Carrots, Bunnies, and Cats
by Pineapple1010
Summary: The characters of Flashpoint have taken a break from all the shooting, chasing, and negotiating to relax. Sort of. Texting fic inspired by CandyApple75's story with Once Upon A Time.
1. Chapter 1

**I wanted to start posting some new stories, so I thought I'd give some comedy a try. This is as if the characters of Flashpoint are texting. This idea was completely inspired by CandyApple75's Once Upon A Time story. I'll write more chapters if people seem to like it. Oh, and by the way canon is overrated. Enjoy!**

* * *

Sam: hey jules

Jules: Sam? I thought u dropped ur phone in the toilet

Sam: I did, but then I got a new one.

Jules: ok…. wat do u need?

Sam: um… well, me spike and ed had a little get together last night and spike and ed r gone.

Jules: what do u want me to do about it?

Sam: do u kno where they r?

Jules: no, why would i?

Sam: no reason, just- oh wait ed just came to the door. he's wearing a tutu

Jules: I'm gonna let u take care of this. bye sam.

Sam: Ed get back here!

* * *

Wordy: hey greg u got a minute?

Greg: yeah, what do u need wordy?

Wordy: Spike is running around my house dressed as a pirate and singing songs from Annie

Greg: ….

Wordy: what should I do?

Greg: ….

Wordy: greg?

Greg: just…hide.

Wordy: Ok. bye.

* * *

Sam: spike? where r u man?

Spike: ghiejrytbsu

Sam: come back to my place buddy

Spike: I will avenge your death, sam!

Sam: ?

Spike: I'm going to need more carrots

Sam: where r u?

Spike: what? since when is there a bush there?

Sam: ok spike that's enough come on back

Spike: not now im stuck in a bush

Sam: *sigh* im gonna come get u spike

Spike: ok but watch out for a bunny named carl he stole my pirate hat and I want it back.

* * *

Wordy: sam can u please hurry up and come get spike?

Sam: I tracked his phone, going as fast as I can. why?

Wordy: he started throwing things at my house

Sam: what things?

Wordy: carrots. mostly.

Wordy: and I think hes saying that he's avenging your death

Sam: on my way

* * *

Ed: Jules come to sam's house

Jules: sam told me that you're wearing a tutu

Ed: of course he did. just come to his house. now.

Jules: why me?

Ed: I figured u would know where his house is.

Jules: hey!

Ed: sorry! just come to Sam's house! he tied me up

Jules: r u sure there isn't a reason ur tied up?

Ed: not now!

Jules: bye ed.

Ed: JULES!

* * *

Greg: Ed? where r u? u were supposed to meet me at the station.

Ed: boss! do u kno where sam's house is? please tell me yes

Greg: umm yeah I think so. why?

Ed: get over here now

Greg: wordy told me that spike is going insane. were u and sam involved?

Ed: Omg not now boss just come untie me!

Greg: ur tied up?

Ed: yes! it's a long story. just get over—holy crap! since when does sam have a cat?

Greg: lol

Ed: ahhhh! get off me!

* * *

Ed: Sam! get the heck over here and tell ur cat to get off me!

Sam: Not now Ed I'm—cat?

Ed: yes! cat! wait what? please tell me this is your cat

Sam: nope.

Ed: not good.

Sam: no, not good. lol

Ed: Sam!

Sam: I dn't hve tim nw ed it is relly har to tex ad chas pike at th sam time

Ed: ahhh! who the frick's cat is this?

Sam: lol bye Ed

Ed: Why does everybody keep saying by ed?

Spike: bcuz uve been mutated by carl! where is he! leme at him!

Ed: spike u r still insane

Spike: and?

* * *

Jules: do u ever get the feeling we're missing something?

Greg: all. the. time.

* * *

**Well, what'd you think? Good enough for another chapter? If I get enough reviews there'll be more. Give that review box some virtual carrots! Oh, and don't ask me how the characters can see other people's texts. I don't know.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, the people who reviewed seemed to like the first chapter, so here goes another. By the way, for those who read my other flashpoint story, this one is second to that one for now so I apologize if it takes me a while to upload chapters for this story. And the title of this story may change soon. Enjoy!**

* * *

Sam: wordy I've captured spike he's in the trunk of my car

Wordy: ok I'm coming out from under my bed r u sure he's in there?

Sam: yes. positive.

Wordy: ok thank God.

Sam: oh, wait

Wordy: what?

Sam: yeah he's gone again

Wordy: sam I'm gonna kill you

Sam: tehe

Wordy: that's really creepy, you know

Sam: u might wanna hide again. I just saw him go in the back door of ur house.

Wordy: good idea. bye

* * *

Jules: what did u guys do at that party, anyway?

Sam: it was an intimate get-together, not a party. and im not at liberty to say.

Jules: fine then

* * *

Spike: ermehgerd

Sam: spike, get out of wordy's house right now

Spike: no thanks

Sam: spike!

Sam: spike?

Sam: hello? spike?

Sam: spike, u do not wanna go there!

Sam: do Not ignore me do you hear me?

Sam: and im talking to myself

Spike: aaaahhahaoo…

Sam: spike?

Spike: why do I feel like the world's largest orangutan is sitting on my face?

Sam: we got spike back everyone!

Spike: Sam, quick, did you see carl?

Wordy: no we didn't sam

Sam: wordy, what did you do anyway?

Wordy: umm

Spike: he threw a friggin concussion grenade at me! aren't we not supposed to take those home?

Wordy: bye bye

Sam: that's kinda what u get spike for sneaking into his house

Spike: how was I supposed to know he had a secret arsenal in his house?

* * *

Sam: Ed im coming with spike. hes not insane anymore. that much

Ed: u really need to get this cat out of your house

Sam: im coming, ok?

Ed: just hurry up!

* * *

Greg: hey, dean, wanna go out for dinner tonight?

Dean: yeah, sure, wats the occasion?

Greg: I dunno. my entire team is insane, with very few exceptions

Dean: lol ok dad

Greg: oh, and could u tell clark if u see him that his father might b a little late getting home?

Dean: sure why?

Greg: long story

Dean: ive got time

Greg: you've ben warned. one of the guys on my team had an 'intimate get-together' and ed and spike were there. wh hav no idea what happened cuz no one will tell us but apparently ed ran away then came back wearing a tutu, spike went insane and is running around dressed like a pirate and is apparently a fan of annie, and also there was a bunny named carl, a cat, and some carrot throwing involved. u dig?

Dean: ….

Greg: gets em every time. Muahahahahaha!

* * *

Jules: sam can I please get some more info about this intimate get-together?

Sam: not now, im curenty drivn, slapng spike's hnd of the radio and txtin u at the sam tim.

Jules: fine then. ill ask ed

Sam: probably best u didn't do—

Jules: too late

Sam: what? how—

Jules: I already am

Sam: how the heck r u cutting me off? We're texting!

Spike: ah, the two love birds

Sam and Jules: SPIKE!

* * *

Jules: ed, what exactly happened last night?

Ed: why do u care? and u better tell me quick because this cat is starting to chew my ear off

Jules: cuz I want to kno!

Ed: that's classified information

Jules: OMG! I have had enough of you people!

* * *

Spike: I have a list of demands.

Jules: that's great spike

Spike: I want a giant box of carrots, a crossbow, some cheerios, an electric guitar, one of those cameras where the picture magically prints itself after you take it, and a poster of Justin bieber

Jules: and just what would u b using these things for?

Spike: u don't need to know

Jules: why is it that no one wants to tell me anything?

Spike: just know that if I don't have these things by 5:00, I will force your boyfriend to watch powerpuff girls ALL DAY

Jules: spike, u do know that its 4:59, right? AND HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!

Spike: you just keep telling yourself that

Jules: ?

* * *

Sam: omg lol rotflmao

Wordy: wat the heck does that mean?

Sam: it means that I just found ed cowering in a corner from a giant, scary, kitten

Wordy: omg lol rotflmao

Sam: exactly

Ed: shut up you guys, it was mean

Spike: it _was _mean

Sam: it's licking his hand

Wordy: LOL

Sam: yep

Spike: come here, buddy—ouch! it bit me!

* * *

**Well, there you go. Any good? Tell me which chapter you liked more. And if you won't review for me, do it for Carl!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the response, everyone. I had a snow day today and I figured I'd work on this. I may even have chapter 4 up later tonight, but don't get your hopes up. For those of you who read my other story, chapter 3 is in the making, sorry it's taking me so long. Anyway, Enjoy!**

* * *

Sam: oh, God, no, please! Stop! Ill do anything!

Jules: Sam? what the heck?

Sam: spikes….torturing….me!

Jules: what? why?

Sam: bcuz you didn't….give him the stuff on the….list!

Jules: oh. wait he's actually making u watch powerpuff girls?

Sam: yes! help! too….colorful!

Jules: LOL

Sam: Jules!

Jules: this stuff is comedy gold! almost payback-ish for not telling me anything. Or we could save that for later. *evil grin*

Sam: JULIANA CALLAGHAN!

Jules: o so now u think ur being threatening, eh?

Sam: ….no.

Jules: LOL

* * *

Wordy: spike

Spike: what, wordy, im busy torturing sam

Wordy: 0_0 Umm, I think I found Carl. He's in my backyard sniffing your carrots. which by the way u hav to come clean up

Sam: wordy! help…me!

Wordy: ummm….

Spike: not now sam, wordy found Carl! im on my way

Wordy: ok spike see yah—woah! that was almost impossibly fast!

Spike: this is Carl we r taking about. Where is he?

Wordy: behind that bush over there

Spike: here? ok , I think I see him! he's— crap im stuck in the bush again

Wordy: lol

* * *

Ed: sam I've been doing some thinking….

Sam: uh oh

Ed: and ive realized that I should b getting revenge on u right about now.

Sam: for what?

Ed: tying me up in our house and then sicking your cat on me

Sam: ok . and?

Ed: can I borrow your phone?

Sam: why?

Ed: CUZ I WANT TO THAT IS WHY! I mean, no reason

Sam: ….ok

Ed: thank you.

Sam : btw can u tell spike that hes gonna pay 4 making me watch powerpuff girls?

Ed: 0_0 ok

Sam: thnx. and btw how the heck did u escape my house?

Ed: im a trained police officer

Sam: and yet u can't handle a kitten

Ed: shut up

Sam: lol

* * *

Jules: hey Sam did spike let u go yet?

Sam: who is this?

Jules: ?

Sam: Ed took my phone and changed all the contacts to random things

Jules: who am i?

Sam: Dumbledore

Jules: LOL. its jules

Sam: ok .weird.

Sam: and yes Spike let me go.

Jules: darn it that was funny

Sam: woah woah woah not cool

Sam: :(

Jules: :D

Sam: :{ o

Jules: is that a guy with a mustache?

Sam: yes. and?

Jules: 0_0

Sam: :P

Jules: B-)

Spike: enough! stop the emoticon-off!

Sam: who r u?

Spike: ?

Sam: Ed changed all my contacts and now whoever u are is showing up as Elmo

Spike: I am Elmo

Sam: o_O

Jules: seriously, what happened to you guys?

Spike and Sam: you really don't need to know

Jules: I. AM. DONE.

* * *

Ed: hey Sam, could I have your phone back I wasn't finished

Sam: oh, sure, Ed. take my phone

Ed: kk thanks

Sam: Ed! Sarcasm!

Ed: ?

Sam: OMG no u can't hav my phone

Sam: so clueless

Ed: how cute. he thinks I won't get what I want. tehehe

Sam: u r soo creepy!

Spike: hi Sam I accidentally set your house on fire bye

Sam: Elmo you had better hope that ur joking!

Sam: Elmo!

Sam: ELMO! oh wait, this is spike isn't it

Spike: what? no it's wordy

Ed: OMG this is hilarious

Sam: Wordy? U SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE?

Spike: umm yes

Sam: Wordy your gonna get it!

Spike: ok but first lemme just tell you hat I changed my number. u can text (this) number now

Sam: ok?

* * *

Sam (texting the actual Wordy): Wordy U r gonna pay!

Wordy: ? ? ?

Sam: for burning my house down?

Wordy: ? ? ?

Sam: *arm movement and scowl* SPIKE!

Wordy: I am so confused

Jules: yah now u kno how I feel

Wordy: whatever Jules, go hang out with your boyfriend

Jules: why does everyone think that I like Sam?!

Spike, Wordy, Greg, Ed, Dean, Clark, Raf, Lou, and Winnie: because you do!

Sam: yah u kno u do.

Jules: I give up. Just give up.

Sam: LOL. hey look, Ed's at my door.

Sam: whoa, Ed, okay! okay! you can have it! here!

Jules: Sam?

Jules: Sam?!

Wordy: No, we were wrong, she doesn't like him _at all._

Jules: shut up wordy

Wordy: no thanks

Jules: uggghh!

Wordy: haha

* * *

Sam: edwardo stale my porcupine

Wordy: Sam? did spike get to u?

Sam: Edwardo turnpike on auto coconut

Wordy: omg lol rotflmao

Sam: donut it

Wordy: hey guys, look at this!

Wordy: Sam text more

Sam: octopus mine good I herp u guys sophomore much

Jules: hahaha what the heck is that?

Sam: auto coconut

Everyone: LOL

* * *

**Well tell me what u think please! I don't care even if you hated it. Fav, follow, and review to find out how the wrath of the auto correct will continue!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this took so long, I was busy with my other stories, but I hope you like this chapter.**

**For Easter, I'm choosing do to an officially sanctioned (not really) contest that I am naming Battle of the Movie References. Not very creative, but very accurate. Anyway, what you have to do to win is submit a complete list of all the references in this chapter with the movie it came from in the review section. The winner will receive a to-be-determined prize. Good luck and Happy Reading!**

* * *

Spike: I forgot where I live

Sam: elmo? oh walrus this is spork

Spike: nevermind

* * *

Spike: I forgot where I live

Jules: frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn

Spike: not cool

* * *

Spike: wordy I ate fiberglass and it wasn't cotton candy like the guy said. my tummy itches

Wordy: that's nice spike

* * *

Spike: does anyone wanna talk to me?

Spike: you guys suck

* * *

Ed: hey, Sam, if I could bother you for a minute WHY IS THERE A CAT IN MY HOUSE?!

Sam: why do u assume I did it

Ed: bcuz I don't trust you

Sam: well normally I would tell u 2 bug off and that ur wrong but I actually did do it. pay back for the auto cucumber. which I turned off, in your face

Ed: do u hate me or something?

Sam: no I'm just bored and your reactions are hilarious

Ed: is everything a joke to you?

Sam: funny things are

Ed: I have a gun

Sam: good 4 u. so do i

Ed: get lost, soldier boy

Sam: LOL

* * *

Spike; hey guys I found Carl. I think he's in Jules' house

Jules: who is carl anyway

Spike: I am shocked and hurt by your not-knowing-who-Carl-is.

Jules: what? no one will tell me anything about anything

Spike: that's bcuz …. nevermind

Jules: what? why?!

Spike: nothing! go hang out with Sam or something

Jules: I DON'T LIKE HIM!

Spike: yeah u do

Sam: I create feelings in others they themselves don't understand.

Spike: 0_0

Jules: o_0

Sam: muahahaha

* * *

Wordy: jules I went to ur house to see carl and then I saw spike on ur roof

Jules: what the heck

Wordy: I swear im not lying

Ed: hes not lying I saw it too

Wordy: o my gosh he just jumped off the roof and captured carl

Spike: did everyone see that bcuz I will NOT be doing it again

Sam: I didn't see it

Spike: u suck Sam

* * *

Greg: hey Ed I challenge you to a pin the tail on the carl contest

Ed: lol. who hit u with the auto cucumber?

Greg: no. im serious. pin the tail on the carl contest. now

Ed: well, if you put it that way… im gonna kick ur but

Greg: I refuse to lose, and I will win!

Ed: ?

Greg: its on!

* * *

Jules: did u guys see that?

Sam: u mean pin the tail on the carl? yeah lol

Spike: lol yes

Wordy: stupid is as stupid does.

Jules: ?

Sam: lets go do something im bored

Wordy: like what?

Sam: I dunno

Spike: lets go go-karting

Jules; fine by me

Spike: pipe down side-salad

Jules: ?

Sam: im good with that

Wordy: lets go!

* * *

Sam: spike were u in charge of directions?

Spike: yeah why?

Sam: u directed me into a swap in the middle of nowhere

Jules: were u holding the map upside down?

Spike: map? what map?

Sam: we're done for.

Wordy: nice Spike

Jules: at least we have those tacos spike brought

Spike: ….

Jules: spike? please don't tell me….

Spike: sorry!

Sam: great.

Wordy: what now?

Sam: beats me

Jules: why do I hang out with u guys?

Spike: don't ask me

Sam: I'm kind of a big deal

Jules: shut up

* * *

**Ok, so that chapter was a little, oh whatever. I will be a shameless self-promoter and say that a laughed a little when I re-read it, though. Texting while lost in the woods, what could go wrong? Until next time, good luck hunting for references.**


End file.
